five pigs and 16 Ethiopian children were killed to make this post

Someone needs to give this guy a fucking medal. Think about this for a moment, it’s a bacon burrito. It’s CHEESE, wrapped in mother fucking BACON. And not just cheese, oh no. With its hearty bacon lattice structure, it can hold all sorts of delicious fillings. Cheese, scrambled eggs, sausage, tofu….

Tofu? No, no don’t you fucking dare say tofu. Absolutely not. Would you put a moustache on the Mona Lisa? Pants on Michelangelo’s David? Point out that dogs can’t ACTUALLY play poker? Damn it I say no! So all you limp wristed granola eating faries out there take note, if you put tofu in this…this..work of art, I will find you, and I will kill you. Probably by making you eat a cheese and bacon burrito.

The thing is, I am happy to live in a world where someone had the insight to look at bacon and go “you know, I like bacon, I just wish this was as big as my plate and covered with cheese”, and then did something about it god damn it. This is the kind of ingenuity we need in the world. The ability to recognize a fundamental flaw in our universe, and find a way to correct it. Yesterday, there was no such thing as a bacon and cheese burrito, today there is. That’s progress. So dan, wherever you are, we here at Car Pool to Hell salute you.

And by the way, in the time it took you to read this, 15 people in the world died from starvation. Betcha they wished they lived in a country capable of producing a bacon and cheese buritto.

Fucking losers.